My mom the shoplifter.

Since her last stroke, I've been doing most of my mother's driving for her, which means I play chaffeur for her weekly grocery trips. Grocery shopping with my mother is not a pleasant experience -- she picks a fight every five or ten minutes, either with a store employee that she thinks isn't helpful enough, or with me, because she think's it's wrong that I don't care what brand of yogurt she buys.

One of today's many ludicrous disagreements was about how many bananas to buy, and how green to buy them. Soon, she's ripping apart several bunches of bananas (trying to build a perfect collection of bananas, I guess) before settling on a bunch. The damn things are just going to end up in bowl of corn flakes anyway.

Several hours of painful shopping later, we get home. My mother takes her coat off, and discovers she somehow pocketed an extra banana. Now I'm waiting for police officers to show up on our doorstep with a store security tape so I can tell them "It was an accident, officer. Honest -- she's crazy, but she's not a klepto."

Posted at 11:38:09 PM EDT on 10 October 2003 from Trenton, MI