I just don't do well with states that have panhandles.

A few days ago, I received the tourism packaged I ordered from Oklahoma in order to get a new map of the state. Guess what? They didn't include the map. (I even double-checked their website to make sure I'd ordered the right item -- it says the attraction guide and map are a set, but they only sent the attraction guide.) They did remember to include the separate map of Route 66 I ordered, so I guess the next time I drive throught Oklahoma, I'm only allowed to drive along Route 66. Whatever.

I'm ordering a map of Texas next. I don't have a lot to say about Texas, because it's never done anything good for me, and most Texans seem a little too proud of being Texan, if you ask me. (If you have the same problem, and a Texan asks you what you've got against Texas, tell them the same thing I do: "It was the last state to free the slaves.") Texas just makes me cranky.

Anyway, here's my one Texas story: I driving through north Texas in 1998, seeing how fast my 1998 Dodge Neon can go on the open highway when I run straight into a speed trap, and the first traffic ticket I ever got. While he's writing the ticket, the cop says "We don't mind if people go a little over the limit, but 19 miles per hour might be too much." (Although, come to think of it, that was a lot nicer than what that cop in Arizona said when he busted me for 11 over the limit three years later.) Like I said, Texas has never done anything good for me.

My advice to the world? Stay off of I-40 in Texas. It's just one big speed trap.

Posted at 11:52:34 PM EDT on 20 April 2004 from Trenton, MI