Too smart to be a Superstar.

This afternoon, I watched a rerun of Superstar USA, the WB's self-consciously cruel parody of American Idol, wherein the WB cons bad singers into thinking they're pop star material. The only time I watch American Idol is when they're showing the bad singers, so this sounded like the perfect show for me. (I'm known among my friends as a fan of televised human suffering. I even watch Cheaters, if I'm awake for the early morning timeslots it inhabits.) Unfortunately, I'm shocked to admit, Superstar USA is too dumb for even me to enjoy.

I can barely believe that so many bad singers think they're talented. What really boggles my mind is that the singers are dumb enough to believe those judges are sincere. If the three dumbasses behind the table aren't being monotone and clichéd (Vitamin C and Tone Loc), they're just being nonsensical (Briggs, whoever the hell he is). Every single person who appears on that show, from host to singer to judge shows a shocking lack of wit or judgement. (The WB apparently thinks the viewing audience is even dumber, because the network felt obligated to re-explain the premise of the show every ten minutes or so.)

I don't get the need to be considered famous and talented. I'm perfectly comfortable not being recognized on the street (probably a good thing, considering my knack for making enemies), and even comfortable with the fact that I have no Art in me. (Nothing at all -- I can't sing, dance, draw, paint, sculpt, write poetry, play an instrument, or color coordinate.) Apparently, a lot of people aren't so comfortable with those facts about themselves. Also, a lot of those people are really, really dumb.

The only saving grace of Superstar USA is that it's virtually impossible to produce a sequel. Unless, of course, those contestants are even dumber than I think they are....

Posted at 11:58:53 PM EDT on 23 May 2004 from Trenton, MI