Michael Bauser Is Losing His Mind
I used to play a lot of Dungeons and Dragons when I was young. Playing D&D makes you good at two things: reading rulebooks and filling out forms. You would be surprised how many places consider those valuable job skills -- I'm always the employee who ends up accidentally memorizing the employee manual.
As it happens, Brainbench has "Customer Service" certification that's entirely about an employee's ability to understand an employee manual. I blew through that one in 30 minutes and 4 seconds, scoring a 4.4 out of 5.
Anyway, last night was the last night of Brainbench's free-for-all, so I logged on and decided to blitz through as many tests as possible before the cut me off. I picked up certifications in "Business Writing", "Web Development Concepts", and "Diversity Management", as well as a Master's Level certification in "Retail Industry Knowledge". I'm actually a little disappointed that I know so much about the retail industry. I never want to work retail again. But I probably will at some point anyway.
I missed the Master's Level certification in "Web Development Concepts" by 0.06 points -- my lack of real programming skills is what got me, although I did surprisingly well on the "Object Oriented Design" subsection. I guess I've been paying more attention to my programmer friends than I thought.
The 3.49 score for Diversity Management was pretty good (considering I was completely bluffing), and absolutely terrifying when I saw my percentile score. Apparently a background in cultural anthropology and simple logic is enough to reach the 97th percentile. This is a not a particularly comforting discovery -- it means most people still don't grok that people different from them have useful contributions to society. Damn Republicans.
The final tally? Thirty Brainbench tests in ten days. Twenty-two Master's Level certifications, eight regular ones, but no job certifications. I'm well-rounded but unfocused. Knowledgeble but unemployable. I pretty much knew that already. Now what am I going to do with all these silly little GIF files?
Posted at 11:55:19 PM EDT on 15 July 2004 from Trenton, MI